Feeling out of control?
Not being in control of things in life can make us feel; stressed, anxious, frustrated, overwhelmed and scared. These are all normal feelings and being honest with ourselves – we can’t always control the things we would like to in life, especially when it comes to other people and situations out of our control.
OUT of my control:
- Actions of others
- Other people’s reactions
- The outcomes of my efforts
- What others think of me
- The future
- The past
- Opinions of others
- Actions of others
- Mistakes I have made
IN my control:
- Goals I set
- What I give my energy to
- My thoughts and actions
- How I respond to others
- How I speak to others
- My boundaries
Feeling in control is often a way for many people, including neurodivergent people to feel safe and comfortable in their environments, for example with predictable and structured routines and situations.
This is where anxiety and guilt for expectations can creep in, because although in an ideal world some control would be good or helpful, it is not always realistic.
Take the example of being within the workplace, we cannot anticipate other people’s reactions or perceptions about us or an event. This could create feelings of; worry, anxiety and stress.
In therapy, you have the space to process these difficult feelings and situations, in your own time, at a pace that is comfortable to you. It can also be helpful, in the right time, to take a step back and reflect on the bigger picture together, helping to stop a stress spiral from forming or continuing and gently guiding you to seeing another perspective by reflecting back to you.
In a therapy session I may ask you:
- What can you control?
- And what can you not control?
Try to begin to accept without judgement what you cannot control.
We can also explore what areas in life may need more support in, such as; reasonable adjustments, specific needs, boundaries and living from your values.
When things feel overwhelming or out of our control, sometimes, it can help to focus on and appreciate the things that we can control as this can help us feel a bit more safe and secure.
For example, something as little as choosing what you get to wear, deciding when you will arrive or leave an event or pre-preparing some short script responses, so you don’t feel off guard and overwhelmed in specific situations.
If you would like counselling support from a neuro-affirming and trauma informed therapist, then you are welcome to reach out – Laura@LauraWilliamsCounselling.co.uk