Attachment Styles
Secure attachment – you trust easily, embrace closeness, feel steady in yourself and move through love calmly.
Avoidant attachment – you keep others at arms length, guard your heart and find comfort in your own solitude.
Anxious attachment – you ache for reassurance, you notice every shift, you fear loosing connection and cling to closeness desperately.
Disorganised attachment – you long for love, yet you recoil, you are caught between fear and desire, you are uncertain, volatile and restless.
Our attachment styles can help us learn about the ways we relate to others.
Which style or styles we are can be dependent on our early childhood experiences and how we were cared for by parents and caregivers. For example – if our caregivers were consistent or inconsistent with meeting our needs.
As adults, these styles have a lot to do with how we handle intimacy, trust and emotional regulation.
When we recognise our styles we can better see relationship patterns, this self-awareness can lead to healthier and stronger relationships and connections with people.
If you are concerned about your attachment style - the good news is that attachment styles CAN change over time.
We call this ‘Earned Secure Attachment’ and it can be gained by having secure and supportive relationships and people around you, as well as self-reflecting.
Therapy can be a safe way to develop an earned secure attachment.
These styles are not to label but to help us learn and grow.
With an earned secure attachment you will have a more positive and healthier sense of who you are, a better balance of intimacy and independence and learnt skills to better regulate your emotions.
I will end on a quote by the founder of Attachment Theory John Bowlby.
"We are only as needy as our unmet needs." - John Bowlby
If you would like to talk about:
- Your attachment style
- Early childhood experiences
- Upbringing with your parents, caregivers and family members
- Any of the relationships around you
- How these impact your daily living and relationships you are welcome to reach out:
One to one, private, confidential counselling sessions to begin the process of better understanding yourself in a safe therapeutic relationship.
If you would like counselling support from a neuro-affirming therapist, then you are welcome to reach out – Laura@LauraWilliamsCounselling.co.uk